Budget Boredom Busters

By all intents and purposes today’s Budget was quite dull. Realistically it had to be, with Britain’s debt halfway up to its left elbow and growing at a shattering £450 million per day (that is a Lib Dem figure, they might have made it up to appear relevent) there could be no handouts and due to Labour’s plans, there would be no major cuts either.

So with that in mind, I thought there must be a few ways of making the Budget more interesting:

1) Don’t watch it – you can get a precis of it from the news. Lazy yes, but come on, it is a soporifically dull process.

2) If the entire ‘scandal’ of Government Ministers (is scandal the collective term for them?) had to deliver one word of the speech each. Knowing Mr Brown, he would mess it up somehow, bless.

3)  If the monetary figures he was talking about was brought into Parliament in the form of pennies, I’m sure it would help somehow:

Darling: And the deficit has been revised downwards to £168 million. Watch out……Lib Dem leader, whassiface, errrrrrmm, you know the guy that speaks after Cameron. He’s going to get crushed…..errrr……………ah, too late”

4) If it had to rhyme.

Darling: As I was saying about the quantitative easing,

The results in the end were really quite pleasing

To that end the deficit will be reduced,

Which will be good in the election, we have deduced

(I’m the next Byron)

5) If the Chancellor had to read the Budget whilst cooking,  ironmongery, farriering , construction a mottle and daub house. I honestly think people would be much more receptive to a politician who proves themselves adept at performing some more hands on task.

It could be argued that the introduction of any of these would coincide with the crumbling bedrock of our entire political system but it’s already started making its way up shit creek. With the implosion of the true Labour movement, leaving only its bitter and twisted husk; the smarmy circling of the Conservatives who don’t know how to present themselves so as to appear all things to all people, without revealing that they in fact haven’t changed and still hate everyone with only one surname and the Lib Dems to are getting closer to becoming electable, but still seem mildly surprised that they are allowed to speak at times, which is a real shame as they do have good ideas, but again, they don’t know who they’re appealing to. I for one, cannot wait until the election, as it promises to be bland followed by beige, followed by Brown.


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