Fireworks and Freeloaders

As a child I wasn’t a fan of fireworks; you had to be outside IN THE COLD and they were exceptionally loud to my small delicate ears. And as an adult I am agreeing with my younger self. For the first two or three pops, bangs and/or whizzes the ‘Oohs’ and ‘Ahhs’ cannot be suppressed and merrily escape from one’s mouth, bringing us one step closer to the little green aliens from Toy Story. Yet fireworks have a very steep boredom gradient ([Repetition x Frequency]/Temperature) and by the fiftieth explosion you have developed a crick in your neck and cold eyes.

– I hate cold eyes. I have always wanted to lift my eyelid up and blow a hairdryer underneath, yet I doubt its efficacy and I am sure my optician wouldn’t recommend it – 

These slight medical maladies can also be coupled with the expense of fireworks regardless whether you buy them yourself or go to a public display. The latter has confused me for many years: why pay £5 to enter a park when I can get exactly the same show for free by standing the other side of a fence? Probably that is the killjoy-freeloader aspect of my personality coming to the fore and really you are paying for the atmosphere of having many people around you saying ‘Ooh’ and ‘Ahh’.

But by sitting in my freeloader’s ivory tower, I can get the best view of all the fireworks. And I didn’t spend a penny.

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